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Thursday, April 4, 2013

The Internet and Me

I have had no inspiration to write. I've been feeling down, negative, and angry a lot, despite some good news in my life and the lives of those I love.

I don't even really feel like writing right now. But I got rid of my Facebook so I don't know what else to do. Isn't that ridiculous?

I have a Facebook addiction. I post a lot, check it a lot, and stare at it for hours looking at posts of things I don't even really care about instead of being productive. I gave up my Pinterest addiction because I was tired of hating my apartment for not being hipster-chic enough and hating myself for not knowing how to DIY a bookcase made out of cardboard, burlap, and mint-colored paint with a bird on it. (You've got to put a bird on it.) That wasn't hard. I used Pinterest to get ideas for my wedding, and now I'm done. I still have my account because I am an Internet pack-rat because "OMG what if I need those nail art ideas someday and Google is down and I can't just SEARCH 'nail art ideas,'" said my brain because I am crazy. I just don't ever go to Pinterest and I am much happier that way. It's sort of sad how much happier, actually.

I'm not even good at nail art.

Guess which one is mine!

So I thought, "How else can I make myself happy other than eat an entire cake?" and got rid of my Facebook today. We'll see how it goes. I'm definitely not an anti-technology person. I still have a Twitter, Instagram, and I recently got a Foursquare account because I have no idea. I don't have a problem with these things, unless I get a stalker through Foursquare. I mostly use Twitter to make myself feel like I'm friends with celebrities. I just have a problem with Facebook. Aside from its time-sucking nature, it just makes me feel bad about myself, but not in the way that Pinterest does. I just wonder why  my life can't be as fabulous as everyone else's on Facebook, even though deep down I know most of their lives suck just as much as anyone else's. They just show the best parts of their sucky lives, just like I do on Facebook. But I'm still thinking, "Why can't I be living my sucky life in a fabulous bar with my friends in sunny Los Angeles or on a cross-country road trip instead of crappy Michigan WHO WON'T EVEN GIVE ME SPRINGTIME."

Another reason I need to curb this addiction is because I'll be starting graduate school soon, and I'd like to be better at college this time. I wasn't "bad" before, I just had major time management issues and Facebook was a big part of them. Now, I need to get my shit together because I'm supposed to be a grown-up. I'll be going to get my Masters of Social Work starting in four weeks. I'm taking 15 credits (five classes) this summer, and I'm continuing to work, though I will have fewer hours. It's gonna be pretty weird. I haven't done full-time school since a lifetime ago when I wasn't married, didn't have bills to worry about, didn't have a dog, and didn't need to give a shit about anyone else but myself. And I wasn't trying to lose weight.

Thus, the Facebook thing. It's one step out of many that I'm taking to make me feel less terrified of starting a full-time accelerated graduate school program in LIKE A MONTH OH GOD THERE IS SO MUCH TO DO I AM GOING TO DIE.

Since I have nothing else Internet-wise to do, expect more regular updates maybe if I feel like it I don't really know we'll see what do you care anyway.

Oh by the way, I've lost 11 pounds total. So that's good I guess.