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Tuesday, July 9, 2013

This is a rage rant.

This is a rage-against-the-establishment rant and it is going to suck. Don't read it if you're not into that sort of thing. I just didn't want to accost my Facebook community with it.

I am really fucking sick of being dicked around by student loan companies. One of my loans through Citibank was sold to Discover, so now I pay two separate companies for two small private loans that were originally with one company. It is frustrating, especially since I know anything these companies do has to be at the detriment of my finances and a profit on their part. But overall nothing much has changed, it's just been kind of annoying to deal with keeping track of two payments instead of one. Whatever.

But, now, my Federal loans, the BIG ones, were transferred to a company called NelNet, which is a stupid name and I hate them already. No one bothered to tell me this. Neither Federal Direct nor NelNet currently has my information, but they assure me that NelNet should "by the end of the week." They told me that the change in companies doesn't change anything about the way my loans are handled or the amount I'll have to pay. They did this because the "extremely high volume" of loans has required other companies to take over the handling of them so that the federal direct loan program and its employees don't collectively jump off a bridge or something.

...

OR MAYBE just make college affordable so that students don't have to take out like $30,000 JUST to get a bachelors degree, which is turning into the 1995 equivalent to a high school diploma.

I realize it isn't that easy. I don't know much about economics or loans, but I know it has taken a LONG time for the cost of education and the rise in federal loans to get this out of hand, and it won't be fixed anytime soon. Especially if our lawmakers refuse to talk about it because helping anyone EVER will destroy the economy and America will stop being a super power and we'll all end up working in Chinese sweatshops. I'm just waiting for the loan bubble to burst, but I really don't think it will. Especially since our interest rates just doubled and lawmakers can't seem to decide on anything ever.

The system is infuriating. There is nothing I can do to change it. I just have to deal with it, or choose not to continue my education.

By the time I'm done with both of my graduate degrees (btw, I decided to get the MPA. But I still question that decision approximately six times per day, IMAGINE WHY), I will have a combined debt so high that the thought of it makes me want to immediately quit school, and maybe also jump into a ravine. Except that won't work because my family would still be responsible for my private student loan debt.

Money freaks me out. I was raised that way. When I was growing up, if my mom and I ever went shopping, even for something small, we had to hide purchases from my dad, who would chastise us for spending unnecessary money. He called all money "HIS money" because he was the major breadwinner (cue dramatic eyeroll I repeatedly got grounded for as a preteen). I remember my mom had a breakdown in the student loan office the first few weeks of my undergrad because she had no idea how we were going to pay for it.  I've kept that mentality ever since. Neither of these are healthy mentalities and I know I don't have to continue them. But it's always my fallback. Extreme financial anxiety is my immediate response to situations in which I feel out of control. I am in zero control over how much I pay for school and it sends me into uncontrollable rage strokes followed by uncontrollable terror. I have little idea if the money I'm spending on school is necessary or will be worth it, and I have no earthly idea how I'm going to pay for it.

L,
V

1 comment:

  1. Someone told me yesterday that if you work for a public sector 10 years after graduation, your federal loans will be dissolved. I asked why don't more people know about this and his response was, "Because it is in the fine print and the Gov't doesn't want everyone to know." So maybe that will be something worth looking into after graduation?

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