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Tuesday, January 7, 2014

At look back at 2013 and my 25th year

Though I do believe in resolutions, I don't believe in 25 of them (anymore). Around the time of my birthday last year, I made a list of 25 things I wanted to accomplish before I turned 26. Well, due to various unforeseen circumstances or just simply a change in priorities, the majority of those things didn't end up happening. And that's okay! I'm learning more and more that life changes dramatically whether you want it to or not. Every single year around New Years/my birthday I think to myself, "I can't believe where I am right now." For the most part, I like it that way. I am easily bored and my life is rarely boring. So instead of a huge list of things I want to accomplish in the coming year, I'm using this sense of sentimentality one gets around one's birthday to make a list of things I did during my 25th year of life.

In 2013, I:
  • Got a tattoo I love and that means a lot to me after only a few days of thinking about it
  • Started and completed two semesters of graduate school. 
  • Only got one B+ in graduate school, otherwise A's. (Might still be pissed about the B+)
  • Lost about 30 pounds, some of it on purpose  
  • Explored feminism extensively
  • Got more into politics, even though it pisses me off
  • Went to Ft. Myers Florida for the first time
  • Went to Naples, Florida for the first time and felt awkward for not being WASPy enough 
  • Saw dolphins for the first time
  • Went ice skating for the first time (sort of. I mostly fell a lot and then sat and watched my friends)
  • Celebrated one year of marriage with Joel
  • Was maid of honor in my best friend of ten years' wedding
  • Started an internship I love
  • Made new friends who I've decided will be in my life forever (they have no choice)
  • Helped (a minuscule amount, but it counts) my friends put on plays in the local theater company they started
  • Went on a trip through the everglades in an airboat 
  • Went kayaking for the first time
  • Survived several mental breakdowns and debilitating depression, which took more strength and energy than I even knew I had.
  • Survived Weight Watchers. (Fucking yeesh is all I have to say about that.)
  • Threw a bachelorette party that people seemed to enjoy and was really goddamn fun, if I do say so myself.
  • Gave a speech in front of 200+ wedding guests and didn't pass out and/or die
  • Learned to blow hookah smoke rings
  • Gave a speech in front of a class and bombed horribly
  • Gave a speech in front of a class and nailed the fuck out of it. Comebacks FTW! 
  • Said goodbye to a close friend who moved far away and it really sucked.
  • Stayed in touch with close friend, and I will forever (she has no choice)
  • Ate the best burger of my entire life in Ann Arbor, Michigan, and it wasn't even the best just because I was drunk, it was LITERALLY THE BEST
  • Learned what the term "I'm so P" means and explored it extensively. Don't try Googling it, it's only a thing with me and a few weirdos. 
  • Had dozens upon dozens of good times with good people
  • Kissed a girl (or two or four). Liked it.
  • Discovered new bands and artists, some of which are now my most favorite
  • Read some books. I can't remember how many, but there were some books read. 
  • Made peace with my body, though it will be a never-ending process.
  • Watched Star Wars Episode IV. Realized plotline is completely NOT what I always thought it was.
  • Redecorated my entire house
  • Made a ladder shelf with Joel that we love and will cherish forevorz. 
  • Did some crafts. Didn't suck too bad at crafts.
  • Cooked something. Didn't suck too bad at cooking, but hated every second of it.
  • Baked new things. 
  • Didn't fall on the ice and die, which is a pretty big fear of mine
  • Didn't get stuck in an elevator, also a fear. 
  • Got attacked by a bird. Was never a fear until after that day.
  • Significantly changed my hair color twice
  • Only got sick twice. One wasn't even that bad. (This is huge for me. I've spent the majority of past years terribly sick with various ailments)
  • Started blogging again, albeit irregularly. 
  • Discovered new passions
  • Reignited old passions
  • Had some fun
  • Had some not fun
  • Made myself happier. It took a lot of work and the work will never be done.
  • Made myself more confident. Not just in my appearance, but in everything about myself. It took a lot of work and the work will never be done.
  • Loved people.
After the past few months of medication and therapy, I fully realize how miserable I was at this point in my life last year and I that had been for a long time. I feel so much better now. I still have moments of panic, days where I don't see the point in getting out of bed, and I over-think literally every single thing (that one may never change). Like I keep repeating until my face melts and you want to punch me: it's a never-ending process.

Here is what I have to say to 2013, and to age 25: Good. Fucking. Riddance. I had some beautiful moments this past year, but their memories are polluted by a cloud of depression and anxiety. Bring it on, 2014. You're pretty weird so far but I still have hope, which is a feeling I honestly wasn't sure I would ever have again. I still have a few days before I turn 26, but I have hope for that, too. ♥

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