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Friday, February 7, 2014

Poo-Brain

It's late. I should be sleeping, or starting to attempt to think about sleeping. But I'm not. I'm writing a blog post because it's my blog and I want to. It's been a long day and I have poo-brain. I apologize in advance for any stupid things that may result from writing in this condition. lol wait no I don't IT'S MAH BLOG, BITCHES.

This is an Adventure Time reference. If you get it, let's be best friends.
If you don't, watch Adventure Time, mang!
What are you even doing with your life?!?!?!?!?!?

I haven't written in awhile. I have a lot of ideas for posts floating around in my head but not a lot of time to write them out. Writing takes me forever because I try really hard to make it not suck (usually).

Here's the shiz that's preventing me from gracing you all with my blog-words:

  • I'm taking my first Public Administration course and it's like rly hard. It requires real thinking instead of just writing about my feelings like in most Social Work classes. Thinking hurts my brain and turns it into poo.
  • Other classes are challenging, too. I should be writing a paper for my blow-off class right now (sometimes they require work, too, ugh), but I'm writing this instead. #modelstudent
  • Internship. The program I'm working on at my agency is unexpectedly 100% different from last semester and there's a bunch of stuff to do! I've also missed a few days due to snow days/life, so I'm working some extra hours playing catch up.
  • There was a recent death in the family that's been rough on Joel, thus rough for me. It's taken a lot of emotional energy out of both of us. 
  • My dad, who has been suffering from progressively worse COPD for years, got a lung transplant! It's great news and he's doing really well. But also... holy stress! The news came out of nowhere! I guess there's no way we ever could have prepared for it, no matter how hard we tried. It's going to be a long road to recovery and his immune system will essentially be non-existent with the medication he'll be on to prevent his body from rejecting the lung. Plus, my parents live two hours away, and the hospital is two hours away, so I feel useless and helpless and guilty sort of all the time. I wish I could be there for him and my mom every day.
  • Winter. Man, fuck this winter. I'm not a person that hates this season, in fact I like it better than the scorching heat and humidity that is the Michigan summer, but this one has been brutal and relentless. My car gets stuck at least three times a week, I've had several hour+ long commutes when it should only take me twenty minutes, and my hands are freezing literally all the time. Like, it hurts them to type right now. I've lost all motivation to do anything but what is absolutely necessary in order to live/not fail. I am over winter, and I'm sure I'm not the only one, but we have two more months. I just keep telling myself "spring will come." It's never not come before. This isn't an ice age, it's just a "North Dakota winter," like the kind my dad grew up with.
So there's that list. It's a little more sad panda than I had originally intended.

Today's selfie.

I feel emotionally and physically drained. I feel like all I'm doing is hoping that the next couple months go by fast so that winter and this difficult semester can be done, which is not a feeling I like. I want to appreciate each day for what it is, but it's a little hard right now. I don't have any time to myself to decompress, which has always been essential to my mental health. So, things are a little rough, but they could be worse. Here's a few positive things, because I need to end this on a happier note so I don't cry myself to sleep:

  • The lung transplant. This is a good thing, even if it is stressful. It will hopefully buy my father a lot more time on this earth and I'm so grateful. 
  • I got officially accepted into the MPA program, which is a huge weight lifted. 
  • I was asked to be in the Social Work honor society and I can't believe it. This was something I desperately wanted in my undergrad, but my GPA just wasn't there. Though academia certainly isn't my main focus in life, I do try to be a good student and I'm pretty proud of myself.
  • I'm staying on top of school stuff and don't feel overwhelmed yet. For heading into the sixth week and knowing exactly what's to come this semester, this is both a great thing and completely surprising to me. Last semester Victoria would be flipping out. BUT I GOT THIS, DON'T EVEN WORRY.
  • Joel is killing it at his job as a personal trainer and I'm totally proud of him, as usual. I don't think I could do this life without him. It'd be really rough and shitty, anyway.  
  • There's still glitter and rainbows, which always make me happy.
So this is me right now:


Goodnight, friends. ♥

1 comment:

  1. Pre-marathon, I was definitely fine with this winter. Like, I HAD to get out and run because I wanted that damn medal. But now that the marathon is over, I'm fucking over it. I'm usually a total snow baby and all retarded for that white, glittery shit that's covering the ground. But it seems to be getting in the way of everything. Running? No thanks fucking foot of snow covering solid ice. Geocaching? Nah, I'd rather keep my hands warm. Everything else? Too fucking broke!

    For me, it's just get up, accomplish what you can, and move forward. Going from morning to night as best as I can, getting done what I can, and hoping this funk will lift. I feel you girl.

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