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Thursday, March 6, 2014

Reflections on Blogger's Block

I've always loved writing.

When I was ten years old, I wrote a book series with my best friend Tracy. We made four books; I wrote the even ones, she wrote the odd ones. We made covers out of construction paper and crayons. They were about vampires and other weird shit, because I was a weird kid with weird friends. I'm glad I went through my vampire phase (you know, that every girl goes through) before Twilight was around. She and I also got invited to some Young Author's Thing (probably not what it was called) on a local college campus. I wrote a book about dinosaurs. We were in the fourth grade and that day, I developed a crush on a blonde boy named Gus and then never saw him again.

I have dozens of journals I don't have the heart to destroy, but I would never want to read again because reading sad poems I wrote about middle school crushes would make me want to barf my guts out and die. I should probably burn them.

Then came the Internet and high school and a whole new plethora of writing opportunities. I maintained a LiveJournal blog for years. I even taught myself basic HTML so I could personalize it and make it pretty.  In high school the title was "The Endless Ramblings of a Happy Dork" but I obviously changed it once I went to college to reflect my sophisticated adulthood, and it was probably inspired by an e.e. cummings poem because I am a douche. I always had something to say. I once wrote an entire entry about solar flares. I deleted my blog during a period of unwarranted self-consciousness when I was 20. I had had the blog for over five years. It is one of my biggest regrets.

There is a point to this. The point is that I've always been a writer deep in my guts. But right now, I truly don't feel like a writer. Even though I am technically typing words onto a page that (a couple) people will read, I feel like a big fraud. I'm not inspired by anything. I don't care about vampires or dinosaurs or solar flares. I care about Serious Adult Things, but I can't write about heavy shit all the time because it is simply exhausting. But maybe heavy shit is all I think about, and that's why I'm so exhausted. Is this adulthood? Where am I?

I don't know. I just want to know what happened to the girl who could write about the mundane and turn it into a story, whose creativity flowed endlessly and effortlessly. What happened to the Happy Dork? I miss her.



5 comments:

  1. Listen douche, I'd be happy to read your heavy shit! I know what you mean, though. Also...I've deleted MANY blogs but I try to remember to back them up and save them on my hard drive before I do so, so I don't completely lose the shit. I used to write at Diaryland! Ahh...the days!

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    1. P.S. You called yourself a douche, so that was a joke. You get that, right?

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    2. haha I get it. And the stuff I think about writing isn't necessarily heavy... I write about some heavy shit like mental illness and body image on here. I just don't have anything in my head EXCEPT the heavy shit and it's getting old (to me). I want to write about the random bullshit floating around in my head. I guess that's what Twitter is for, right? Didn't have that in high school.

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  2. I saw this awhile ago and thought I commented, but I guess not!

    First off, we all get blogger's or writer's block once in awhile. One thing that helps me out is that I constantly keep a rolling list of post ideas. That way if I ever don't know what to write about, I can just refer to the list. I don't know if you were looking for suggestions, but there's mine. :)

    Secondly, sometimes when I get block it's because of something going "in RL" and doesn't necessarily have to do with blogging or writing. Maybe you need more variety in your own life in order to gather more inspiration. When I feel like that, I take a weekend trip or even just visit a new coffee shop, or call up a friend I haven't spoken to in awhile and have an hour long conversation. I always end up with a new idea at the end of the day.

    Also, your blog can be whatever you want it to be, and if you want to use it to write stories instead of heavy shit, you can do that! Or do both!

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    1. I'm always looking for suggestions, and seriously value your advice. Thanks, Steph!

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