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Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Sometimes Things Are Not Okay

Sometimes things are not okay, and that's okay. Sometimes things are not okay for no particular reason, or at least any reason that someone who's not in your head would understand, and that's okay, too.

Sometimes you realize things. Sometimes you realize a lot of things, important things, in a short amount of time, and sometimes those realizations change you. Sometimes those realizations tell you that you have a lot of work to do if you're ever going to enjoy your own life, and that's okay. It's worth it to do the work, even if people don't understand. Even if people don't care.

Sometimes people won't care. That's okay. People only have the capacity to care for so many things at once, and even if you're really important to them sometimes, but not right now (or maybe not ever again), even though you think you need them more than ever, but they can't be there for whatever reason, that's okay. You will get through it. You will get through it with or without them, because what other choice do you have? You either trudge through the shit or you stay stuck in the shit.

You don't like being in the shit. So you move through it. You're the only one who can do that and yeah, maybe it would be nice to have someone walking through the shit next to you. Someone you can talk to about all the shit you're both walking through, or who can distract you from the fact that you are walking through all this shit in the first place. It'd be a nice bonus - a candle on the shit cake, if you will. But you don't need it. You can walk through it alone. That's okay.

Sometimes you might feel shame. People feel shame about all sorts of things. You might feel shame about something you said or did, or for something you didn't do but think you should have. You might even feel shame just for being who you are, or for being the way you think you are because that's what people have told you you are. That's an unpleasant feeling to carry, but it's okay that you feel that way. You are okay for feeling that way.

Shame is a feeling everyone experiences and not a lot of people talk about but it's always there, and it sends people into really dark places because we don't acknowledge it.  But once we acknowledge it and share it, we can start to crawl out of the dark places together. This is an actual science fact.
You can acknowledge and share your own shame and feel better, but you can't make anyone else share with you. They have to come to that place on their own, and maybe they never will. It doesn't mean you're not worthy of trust. You're okay and so are they.

It's okay to feel like no one understands you sometimes. Because really, no one does. No one else is in your head, and that's the way it's supposed to be. It's okay to feel like you don't really know anyone, or like you don't really know yourself. Most people don't understand themselves and that's why they do stupid shit, like lash out at others or hate or avoid or deny. Maybe you won't do as much stupid shit after this time in your life. But you'll still always do some stupid shit and that's okay. Everyone does. It doesn't make you stupid as a person.

It's okay to take time to get to know the real you; the person you want to be instead of the person everyone expects you to be, or the person you've been told you are. You can choose who to be. You can be proud of that person. You can enjoy being that person.

It's okay to be angry at the people you love. They've done stupid shit too, probably because they didn't understand themselves very well. It doesn't help anyone to dwell on the anger, and yeah, forgiveness is hard. But you can do it and you will do it, because you're doing what's best for you right now.

It's okay to change. It's okay to change in big ways, really fast. It's okay to want more out of life and out of your relationships when what you've been getting hasn't been enough. Just don't try to change everything at once, because change is overwhelming to the psyche and you're probably already exhausted just from writing this.